she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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