I wish I could teleport
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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