i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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