I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
