they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
