I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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