Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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