I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The air taste purple.
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