It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
