At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
