Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
