i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
