Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
