WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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