I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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