i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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