Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
