Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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