you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
