Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Someone signed my nipple.
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