dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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