I'm drive I can fine osifer
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
