I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I did not marry a roomba.
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