I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We are all done wearing pants today
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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