Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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