the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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