I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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