You smell like stripper and shame
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Hippo gnu deer
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
