It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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