You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
