Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
