hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
