Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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