Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
