im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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