Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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