fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
