when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
