it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
