Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
