i can't believe i had my finger in that
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
