I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
