Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
