I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
