peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
