I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
