Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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