his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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