My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
