apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
